Dealing is a journey. One step at a time

The worst thing about my father’s disappearance was that he turned up dead.

It was the last option I thought of as a state he would be in for the two weeks that we looked and prayed for him. Even with close relatives searching in hospitals, morgues and police stations, I still held onto the belief that he was somewhere taking a breather as he prepared to enter into his sixties.

I remember when my uncle organised for journalists to bring the story of his disappearance to the limelight; we chuckled saying that if he was somewhere, he would not waste a second coming home, if for nothing else, to give us all an earful for putting his pictures on national media.

Seeing his body lying on a cold morgue bench with several others, he still had some of his clothes on as he had been found… Identifying him was part of the process and now with hind sight I realise that that moment right there was a moment of reckoning and harsh reality that he was gone.

That was two years and three months ago. Alot has happened since then and I can dare say – it’s a journey.

A journey of
1/ forgiving anyone who might have conceptualized, led to and even participated in his disappearance and death.
2/ appreciating my family and friends more because it is such harsh realities that remind you how fragile life is,  how difficult life is for people and how scarce genuine love is
3/ knowing that God is our all in all. You can’t live life in the shadow of another human being.

I say all this in sympathy with many people including the families of the late lawyer, boda boda taxi operator and the taxi driver in Kenya.

There are many lessons from such an experience. My prayer is that while the public shake their heads say how bad things have become and walk away, they will remember their emotions on the funeral day and that is where it ends for them.

The close family bears a twofold agony – of disappearance and of death. I never knew that the last time I saw my dad alive was the last. Maybe our conversation would have been different, maybe…..

Let us love when we can. When we have this fleeting breathe
Let us hope when we can. When we have this fleeting breathe
Let us laugh when we can. When we have this fleeting breathe

As one great teacher says, let us love and value people and use money. It should not be that we use people but love money.

For all those with loved ones who have disappeared, may the Almighty God comfort you.

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